Weekly On-line Rabbi's D'var-Torah
August 29, 2024
25 Av 5784
Parashat Re'eh
It’s not entirely clear what happened at Arlington National Cemetery earlier this week. Some of the reaction to the former president’s visit can certainly be attributed to political calculation. However, it’s also fair to say that many people responded negatively to his behavior there because cemeteries are seen sacred space regardless of one’s religious tradition.
In Judaism, there are many customs that govern our behavior when we visit a loved one’s grave.
First of all, we are not supposed to go too often. The Torah ends with the Israelites' not knowing the precise location of Moses’s final resting place. From that early moment in our tradition, there was concern that people would focus too much on the dead and not enough on the living. As a result, the rabbis declared that it is prohibited to visit on Shabbat, the New Moon, and Festivals.
Nonetheless, when we do visit the cemetery, the rabbis saw it as a sacred act. So, once we get to the cemetery there is a blessing that we recite:
ברוך אתה ה' אלהינו מלך העולם, אשר יצר אתכם בדין,
וזן וכלכל אתכם בדין, והמית אתכם בדין,
ויודע מספר כלכם בדין,
והוא עתיד להחיותכם ולקים אתכם בדין.
ברוך אתה ה', מחיה המתים.
Praised are You, Adonai, our God, Power of the Universe
who created you in judgment, who maintained and sustained you in judgment,
and brought death upon you in judgment;
who knows the deeds of every one of you in judgment,
and who will hereafter restore you to life in judgment.
Praised be the Eternal who will restore life to the dead.
Now, this blessing may not align with our modern views on what happens when a loved one dies. However, it is clear from this blessing that when we enter a cemetery our focus should be on the deceased. Further, through our visit, we keep our loved one connected to our world, which is a form of eternal life.
It is customary to study a rabbinic text such as the Mishnah and to read from the Book of Psalms. Through these actions, we demonstrate that we have not given up our connection to Judaism and Jewish traditions despite our loss. Some visitors also recite the Memorial Prayer from the funeral liturgy—El Maleh Rachamim—to remind ourselves and God that our loved one is somehow in God’s presence and under God’s protection.
Finally, there is a custom of placing a stone on the grave marker. There are several explanations for this tradition, which means that no one is 100% sure how it started. Some think that it is a remnant of the Biblical tradition of marking a burial site with a pile of stones. Others believe that originally, people placed notes on a grave much like we place notes in the Western Wall today. People weighted their notes down with stones, and once the note disintegrated, all that was left was the stone. Still others believe that the stone represents God’s protective presence since one of God’s names is Tzur Yisrael—Rock of Israel.
All of these traditions ultimately remind us that cemetery is a place where our world and God’s realm abut one another. It is no place for antics that call attention to the living. It is a place to focus on the deceased.
Shalom,
RAF.
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