Here and Not Here

This past Sunday, I had an unveiling ceremony at the cemetery in the morning and then a shivah minyan at the synagogue in the evening. I commented to another person who attended both events that it felt like a day of death.

However, by the time I went home and thought about the day, I realized that it was actually a day of life.

At the unveiling ceremony, I invited everyone in attendance to share some memories of the deceased. By the time everyone was finished, it felt like she was there with us. I could almost feel her presence. We were all smiling – at least until it started raining on us.

Then, at the shivah minyan, a daughter of the deceased stood up before the recitation of the Mourners’ Kaddish and shared some thoughts about the impact her father had on her and on others. That impact will be felt for a very long time, even after his passing.

In truth, we all have an experience like this on the High Holidays.

When we come together for a family holiday dinner, we inevitably remember those loved ones who are no longer with us. Maybe we remember their favorite recipe or the way they recited the blessings over the wine and challah.

When we go to the synagogue for services, we are reminded of sitting with loved ones who have passed away – those who maybe sang loudly, whispered jokes, or perhaps even fell asleep. In our synagogue community, we might think about those who used to lead a particular part of the service or take a particular honor.

We bring all of these people with us to the holiday dinner table and to the synagogue on the High Holidays each year, culminating with the Yizkor service on Yom Kippur. In some way, we are carrying on right where they left off.

In this week’s Torah portion, God – through Moses – tells the Israelites that the Covenant between God and Israel is “both with those who are here with us this day before the ETERNAL our God and with those who are not with us here this day” (Deuteronomy 29:14).

So, when we choose to be part of our community and our tradition, we are playing our part in a story imagined centuries ago. And we are also keeping alive the people who came before us by continuing what they began.

As we come together as a community in the coming weeks, we should all enjoy some good food and good company. But let’s also take a moment to remember those who paved the way before us, so that we would know what to do when we got here.